Etc Skit: Too Many Desserts
by Silver Arctic Wolf
Summary: Uh-oh! Looks like the party only has desserts in their food inventory. Jude tries to get to the bottom of things and to rectify the nutritional disaster, but Alvin, Teepo, and Elize are all working against him to keep vegetables off the menu. Are these three the ones who bought all the dessert in the first place?


_This is a_ Tales of Xillia _parody_. Tales of Vesperia _has lots of hilarious skits related to cooking (try cooking a hotpot in the dessert or sorbet in an icefield), but_ Tales of Xillia _only has one boring one for orange soup. The characters will sometimes say a line or two for cooking certain dishes, but that's not the same as a skit! So that's why I wrote this, a skit for when you choose to give them nothing but desserts for a while. It's a bit short and unpolished, but I enjoyed writing it._

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 **Etc. Skit: Too Many Desserts**

"Wow, that peach pie was yummy!" Elize said.

"Yeah! Let's keep eating desserts for every meal forever and ever!" Teepo agreed.

Jude gave Elize a concerned look. "Come on, Elize. You have to eat your vegetables, too."

Teepo stuck out his tongue. "Vegetables! No way!"

Elize put her hand over her mouth. "Maybe I would if we had any."

Jude checked their food stores and found only piles of desserts. "Sheesh. Who packed our supplies with nothing but sweets? We need healthier provisions."

Alvin sauntered onto the scene, and as he stuffed his face with peach pie, he said to Elize, "Ah, don't listen to him, kid!"

Leia caught a glimpse of Alvin and started laughing. "You look like a chipmunk stuffing his cheeks full of food!"

"Mmf!" objected Alvin.

Jude grinned nervously and scratched his forehead. "You really like peach pie, don't you, Alvin?"

"It's because his mom used to make it for him all the time!" Teepo blurted out.

Elize gasped. "Teepo! You should be more sensitive to Alvin's feelings!"

All the memories, both the happy and the sad, came back to Alvin in a rush. "Wahh-ha-ha!" As Alvin sobbed, little pieces of pie sprayed out of his mouth, and everyone jumped clear of him. Alvin threw his arm over his eyes to hide his tears.

"S-say, where's Rowen?" Leia said, trying to change the subject.

"Rowen?" Jude looked around. "Oh my goodness!" he exclaimed when he saw Rowen sprawled on the ground behind a rock. "He's gone into cardiac arrest!"

Rowen revived and erupted into a coughing fit. "Oh, dear me! I'm fine, don't worry. I just took too big of a bite and choked a little. All this sugar isn't good for a man my age."

"So you think we should eat healthier, too, right Rowen?" queried Jude.

"Yes, quite right."

"Ahh…" whined Elize, casting her gaze downward.

"Total bummer!" Teepo said.

Through his sobbing, Alvin again cried out, "Don't listen, kid! There's nothing wrong with eating sweets every day! As a mercenary, you never know when you're going to bite the dust on the battlefield anyway, so we should live it up! Plus, they stay preserved better than vegetables, and that's important when you're on the road." Alvin shot a look of disapproval at Jude. "And what are you trying to do, making her eat healthy foods, anyway? After all that time locked up in that cellar, probably only eating napples and poranges, she should get to enjoy her youth a little!"

"It's because she's a child and still growing that I'm worried about her! What she eats now may affect her future dietary habits!" Jude raised his arms defensively as Alvin advanced on him. "You have a point about the other things, but eating healthy foods and staying in shape can help you survive on the battlefield, too. If you got fat from eating too many sweets, you'd have a hard time running for cover if a giant monster came after you."

Milla poked her head in between everyone. She put her hand on her chin and gave them all an inquisitive look. "Oh? Is eating nutritious food really that important?"

"Heck yeah!" Leia said, making a fist and grinning. "Healthy food is how my mom got so strong!"

"Right," Jude said, a patient look on his mien. "The human body needs certain nutrients, and you have to eat different fruits, vegetables, and proteins to get a good balance of them. Eating too much in excess, especially things like sugar, can have some bad effects on your body."

Milla gaveled her fist against her palm. "Ah, now I remember. I read about this in a book once. The food pyramid, yes?"

"I heard that people don't think the food pyramid is right anymore!" Elize piped in.

Rowen gave a tremendous sigh and a shrug. "Oh, dear me! This old man just can't keep up with all these newfangled nutritional studies!"

"And besides, peach pie is good for you because it has fruit in it! Right, Alvin?" Elize cast an eager look to her co-conspirator.

"That's right kid!" Alvin said as he choked down more pie through his tears.

Jude made a fist and grit his teeth. "Eat your vegetables, Elize!"

"Never!" Teepo roared.

Milla chuckled. "I read in a book once that children especially crave sweet foods, because in the wild those were the ones safe to eat."

"Is that so?" Rowen said with a look of surprise. As he stroked his beard thoughtfully, he muttered, "I'm not quite certain that's exactly right. But what do I know? I'm just an old man."

Jude let out a defeated, exasperated sigh. "So who bought all these desserts anyway?"

Alvin and Elize's faces both lit up for a moment. Elize put her hand over her mouth and turned a little red, but Alvin donned a sly expression. There was a long silence after Jude's question, but then Alvin scratched his head thoughtfully and said, "Let's see… When we were in town, I gave Elize some money and told her to buy some food."

"N-no you didn't!" Elize said.

"Yeah! Alvin's a big fat liar!" Teepo chimed in. "He's the one who bought all the peach pies and other desserts!"

"Alvin!" Jude exclaimed.

"Hey, hey! I thought we were in this together, kid!" Alvin cried out in a hurt voice.

"That was before you tried to pin this whole thing on me!" proclaimed an indignant Elize.

"Alright, I need to have a serious talk with both of you about the kind of supplies we'll get from now on," Jude said.

"A good mercenary knows when to run away to save his own hide! See you later!" Alvin grabbed another peach pie and then dashed off into the woods.

"Hey, get back here! Alviiiiin!" Jude screamed. He ran after Alvin and disappeared into the forest.

Leia patted the despondent Elize on the back. "Well, looks like Jude will probably be paying more attention to the food provisions now. So…" Leia took a slice of the peach pie. "We may as well enjoy these desserts while we have them!" When they heard this, Rowen and Milla both chuckled.

Elize perked up a little. "Alright," she said.


End file.
